To my oldest little boy turning 12 years old,
You were my surprise. I didn’t know I was pregnant with you until around month 4, and wow, I was blown away. I was so excited I was going to be a mommy. It felt like I had waited my whole life for this: to be a mom. In truth, I had. I honestly believe God designed me for one purpose: motherhood. You are about to turn 12 years old. This is a very important time in your life, and I am trying my best to help guide you. There are going to be times when you make mistakes. You may feel confused, misunderstood, or angry, even. I hope you know you are loved. I know I screw up… a lot. Sometimes I fuss and yell; sometimes I get angry and say things I regret. Please know I am only human, and I will try to do better. I see myself in your actions and words so much! Which is probably why we butt heads on occasion…. or quite often. I love you so much, and I do not want to see you make the same mistakes I made. Learn from my mistakes, so you don’t have to relive them. I want the world for you: the best colleges, the highest degrees, the best job, a loving family. More than anything though, I want your relationship with the Lord to far exceed what you ever imagined.
See, one day you will meet a girl ( a long, long time from now), and you will love her so much.; you will want to marry her. [I hope you ask her father (or mother)’s permission first.] More than anything though, I want her to love Jesus more than she could possibly love you. Don’t be angry about that, because I want you to love Jesus more than you could ever love her, or me. I’ve taught you since you were old enough to understand, the only reason we are on this earth is to bring glory to God. If you find a woman who truly loves the Lord, God will show her to you. You will know instantly, as long as you are seeking a loving relationship with Him. All these things I want for you: college, a good job, a wife, a family…. None of them compare to the thing I want most for you: to love and serve the Lord Jesus Christ. And to do so with a happy and willing heart. Right now, you are a child (almost a teenager, which is a difficult time), and things are going to happen to you during your life that you may or may not understand. You may think God isn’t listening or paying attention, or you may think He doesn’t care if you do something or don’t do something. He does; He is. He is always there; He is always paying attention, loving you, protecting you, guiding you, and sometimes reprimanding you. There may come a time when I am not around to argue with you or help you make decisions. There may come a time when me and your daddy are both gone. But if that time comes, please know God IS always with you. I know you may not feel Him or hear Him or understand His purpose, but trust the Bible. You know its truth: trust in His words! Read Hebrews 13:5. I truly believe that when I die, I will immediately be called to Heaven to meet Jesus face to face. I believe this of your daddy, too.
I’ve always done what I thought was best for you, and everything I’ve done has been out of love. I don’t always get it right, but I do always try. And one day, when you have a wife, remember how your daddy treats me: like a princess. Remember how he treats you and your brothers: playing with y’all after a hard day’s work, cooking for you, teaching you to hunt and fish, taking us all to church. Follow His example, because I know He is following God’s. You make me so proud to be your mom. You have a heart of giving and servitude. I hope you keep that. You’ve always been so protective of me, and I am truly grateful for you. Words can’t express the love your daddy and I have for you and your brothers. If you find that we aren’t with you anymore, please know we are safe in the arms of Jesus, surrounded by all our family that have gone on before us. Help your brothers remember what we have taught you all: to love, to live, to serve God. Remind them we are with them as well. Love them. Show them how to be a man. Not a rough and tough, angry, temperamental, arrogant man–a kind, gentle, loving man. A man I will be proud of. I hope I live a long, happy life and am able to watch you grow into that man. I can’t wait to see what God has in store for you; I can already tell it’s going to be wonderful! You are my joy. You all are. But, you will always be mommy’s little fella with a yellow umbrella 🙂
I love you with all my heart,